Susan's Confession
by QueenofNarnia-DaughterofEve
Summary: About Susan's Confession, and rekindling her belief in Narnia.


**Hey all! Trying my hand at a longer thing now. Please leave a review so I can know how I'm doing! THX!**

I lay awake in bed, thinking again of Narnia, the world I call home. Well, the place I once called home. I still do, in a way, but if I am never to go back, how can I call it home? How could Aslan let this happen? How could he abandon us? How could he abandon _me?_ Then I start thinking of Caspian, and how I left so much more than my kingdom behind. I left the person I loved more than anything behind, and I hardly got to say goodbye. I look at the gold band on my finger, the one I won't take off until the day I die, and think of that wedding underneath the stars, the trees pronouncing us married. And I still haven't told my siblings, though I know they could help me. Would they even care? Lucy has so many new stories of Narnia, and I pushed her away, just like I push them all away. I can't even speak of Narnia now, so I pretend that it was all a childish game. It hurts so very badly, but I know admitting the truth will hurt even more. I have held all of this to my self for so long. I know I have to tell them that I remember eventually, but I keep putting it off. I don't know how to explain it, so I have decided to just keep pretending for the longest time. I do want to tell them, but I just don't know how! I know my heart will forevermore remain with Caspian in Narnia. And with these thoughts, just like I do every night, I cry myself to sleep.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I wake early the next morning, despite my lack of sleep. I get dressed and wander towards the kitchen, but Peter's voice stops me right outside the door.

"I really don't think we should tell Su at all. It will just provoke another argument." Peter says, probably to Edmund and Lucy.

"But, Peter-" That was Lucy.

Before they can debate any longer, I walk into the kitchen. "Tell me what, exactly?"

Peter glares at Lucy, as Edmund says matter-of-factly, "We were invited to lunch at the Professor's house in an hour."

It's my turn to glare. "Let me guess. You want to talk about _Narnia!"_ I spit out the last word, wishing I could drop this. The only game around here is mine. But if I drop it I might never get rid of the pain. "Anyway, forget about it, that is, if you were planning on inviting me, which I highly doubt." I twist the band on my finger and sigh, and finally decide to be out with it. "I think we need to talk."

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Five minutes later we are all seated in the living room. Peter is in Dad's chair, Lucy is on the floor in front of the coffee table, and me and Ed are seated on the couch.

"You first." Peter says to me. He's still as much of a gentleman as last time we were in Narnia.

"Fine. The truth is... I remember Narnia. I remember every last detail. And I miss it. Badly. You know how we all have our own ways of trying to deal with the pain? Well, mine is to try and forget. I'm sorry." I take a deep breath and continue. "Something happened that I probably should of told you about, but I just didn't know how. I actually still don't, so I'm just going to be out with it. The last time me and Peter went to Narnia, I didn't just leave the world behind. I left my husband. I married Caspian about a month before we left, right after the coronation."

Peter gasps and turns white. "You've got to be joking!"

I shake my head. "No, I'm not."

Peter is still deathly pale. "Oh, this is all my fault."

"What's your fault?" I say, quite confused.

"I asked Aslan if we could leave that day. I just wanted to go home. I was fed up with ruling alongside Caspian. I never would have said anything if I'd known. You could've been with Caspian right now. I'm so sorry!"

Now I turn white. I can tell Peter really is sorry, so I act as the Gentle Queen I was long ago, and still am. "It's fine, Peter. I know you would've never done that intentionally." There seem to be no more words, until I notice Lucy and Edmund sitting quietly. Lucy looks like she might cry. I go over to her and put my arm around her, and she bursts into tears. Edmund looks like a stone.

I say, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, Lucy. You, too, Edmund." They both try to smile at me, and I know all is forgiven. Suddenly I feel extremely dizzy. "I think I'd better go lie down. I don't feel very well. You'd better go to Professor Kirke's without me. I'll go next time. I promise." I head to my room, and pray for Aslan to help me.


End file.
